Annoyance
Pattern blueprints describe how emotional states actually show up in real time - in your body, behaviour, and thinking.
They're tools you can use to recognise what's happening and respond more effectively.
When Something Is Pushing Your Buttons
This might be you if
- You're seriously considering binning the next stray sock you see lying in the middle of the floor
- The target is people, even if unknown to you (e.g. the sock abandoner, the people who decided morning rush hour on the one day you overslept was the perfect time to close roads for roadworks, Greg...who just ate the last biscuit)
- You would really quite like to snarl (as a warning shot)
What it feels like
Outward signs are subtle, an eyeroll, a little frown, tiny/brief movement of the head - upwards if eye rolling, side to side (usually with eyes closed) when behaviour is repeated or repetitive.
Intake of breath is via the nose and audible. Teeth are lightly clenched - more like touching than biting.
The body overall is still, or with just low-level movement.
Internally, the body still feels loose, but with tension concentrated in the forehead/face, occasionally the neck/shoulders.
The target for annoyance is specific and often relational. Someone has done or is doing something that is bothering you.
What's actually happening
Your system is signalling 'I don't like it when they do that!'
- preference/desire breach
- transference of load from them to you (you have to tolerate stray socks so they don't have to walk 3 extra feet(!!) to the laundry basket)
- feels like inconsideration - somebody else has failed to factor you into their actions (and the consequences of)
Function
Find a way to stop this impacting me!
What helps right now
- step over the sock - don't tidy it!
- recognise that annoyance at the roadworks is likely masking anxiety about the consequences of being late
- breathe deeply, eyes closed, sigh out
How to experience it less often
- work on your boundary dial settings
- work on connection (capability for belonging)
- increase resilience (capacity to manage load)
common misreads
- irritation
- frustration
- anger
- being 'oversensitive'
what happens if you ignore annoyance
- You end up taking drastic action to remove the source of annoyance from your world (collect up all the socks in the house and bin them - institute a sandals-only footwear policy)
- You collect your annoyances like Pokémon cards, then launch them strategically like grenades the next time you have a row or feel like you have an excuse
- You decide the only option is to throw the baby out with the bathwater and end relationships
- You spend the next 3 days feeling hostile towards the town planners and maintenance managers who scheduled roadworks...instead of having a nap and setting your alarm so you don't oversleep again.